Joke of the Day

[stroker]

Larry, Loyd & Harry went for a ride on their motorcycles down along route 250 into the hills of West Virginia. Along the way on the side of the road, Larry spots a sheep with its head caught in the fence. So Larry, Loyd & Harry pull their motorcycles off to the side of the road and Larry walks over to the sheep and says this must be my day and has his way with it. After Larry is done with it, he turns to Loyd & Harry and says.......now its your turn! Loyd & Harry all excited go over by the sheep and stick there heads in the fence.

[Jerry]

A Beer Before It Starts

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."

This time she looked a little , but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second."

"That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed. "Oh nuts, it's started

[Jester]

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A salad shooter.

[Jester]

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

[Jerry]

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.

Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied,


"Do you want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

[Jester]

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces.
They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a small gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.

The wife asked the man, "Do you live here?"

"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there, freeing me from that little bottle. I am so grateful!" he answered.

The husband asked, "Are you a genie?"

"Oh, why, yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, and the third I will keep for myself," the man replied.

The husband and wife agreed on two wishes - one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever.

The genie nodded his head and said, "Done!"

The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire."

The husband and wife agreed.

After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long have you been married?"

To which she responded, "Three years."

The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?"

To which she replied, "31 years old."

The genie then asked, "And how long has he believed in this genie crap?"

[Butch]

How do you know if your wife is a lady or a woman?...........A lady was brought up that it`s not ladylike to spit!!

[Jester]

Lunch Anyone?

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger. The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!"
Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says.

"Yeah?" says the counterman. "You should be here in the morning when he makes the doughnuts."

[Butch]

A little old lady decided one day to go down the street to the V-Twin Crusiers club house and see why it was such a happening place.She knocks on the door and this strange biker dude answers the door.He says "Afternoon m`am my names Vern but some call me Stroker.How can I help ya?".She says I live down the street and see people having a good time here all hours.I wanted to see what the big deal was and have some fun myself.
Well Vern thought he would mess with the little gray haired lady and have fun with it.So, he says before I can let ya in,we gots rules ya see.She replies ,fine lay em on me.He says first ya gotta ride.She says ok,see that Vulcan parked on my sidewalk down there?Been ridin fer years since my husband left it to me,rest his soul.Vern says ok,second ya gotta drink and I don`t mean prune juice.She says ok no problem,been drinkin a fifth a bourbon a day fer 40 years.Vern says ok,hhhhmmmmm aaahhh ya gotta smoke.She says again ok,reaches in her pocket and pulls out a pack of cigars.Holdin em up to Verns face she says another habit I picked up from my late husband ,rest his soul.
By this time Verns gettin bored and knowin his beer is on the table gettin warm.He decides to end this and get rid of the old woman.He says ok the last thing is the final straw as to whether ya get in or not.Have ya ever been picked up by the fuzz?
She looks puzzled at him and thinks for a few minutes.Finally she says well,no I haven`t.........but I have been swung around the room by my nipples,would that count???
Vern opens the door to let her in and says everybody listen up I want ya to meet my new girlfriend!!!

[stroker]

A member of the club (Rexs "Deer Slayer" Briggs) kills a deer and takes it home for Marry to cook for the V-Twin Cruisers Anniversary Party January 19, 2008.
Both he and Marry decide that they won't tell the club membership what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The club members at the party were eager to know what the meat was on the table, it looked so good, so they begged Rexs for a clue.
Well, he said, 'It's what Pam calls Stroker sometimes'.
One of the girls screamed out to the other club members....DON'T EAT IT, IT'S AN ASS..........

[Butch]

DEAR TIDE:

I AM WRITING TO SAY WHAT AN EXCELLENT PRODUCT YOU HAVE!
I'VE USED IT ALL MY MARRIED LIFE, AS MY MOM ALWAYS TOLD ME IT WAS THE BEST.
NOW THAT I AM IN MY FIFTIES, I FIND IT EVEN BETTER!

IN FACT,ABOUT A MONTH AGO, I SPILLED SOME RED WINE ON MY NEW WHITE BLOUSE.
MY INCONSIDERATE AND UNCARING S.O.B. HUSBAND STARTED TO BELITTLE ME ABOUT HOW CLUMSY I WAS, AND GENERALLY STARTED BECOMING A PAIN IN THE ASS.
ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER AND SOMEHOW I ENDED UP WITH HIS BLOOD ON MY NEW WHITE BLOUSE!
I GRABBED MY BOTTLE OF TIDE WITH BLEACH ALTERNATIVE, AND TO MY SURPRISE AND SATISFACTION,
ALL OF THE STAINS CAME OUT!

IN FACT, THE STAINS CAME OUT SO WELL, THAT THE DETECTIVES WHO CAME BY YESTERDAY TOLD ME
THE DNA TESTS ON MY BLOUSE WERE NEGATIVE, AND THEN MY ATTORNEY CALLED AND SAID THAT I
WAS NO LONGER CONSIDERED A SUSPECT IN THE DISAPPEARANCE OF MY HUSBAND.
WHAT A RELIEF!

GOING THROUGH MENOPAUSE IS BAD ENOUGH WITHOUT BEING A MURDER SUSPECT! I
THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN FOR HAVING A GREAT PRODUCT.
WELL,GOTTA GO...HAVE TO WRITE TO THE HEFTY BAG PEOPLE.

[Jerry]

'Twas the night before Christmas, And not until Spring

Would a motor be running, not even a Wing.

The bikes are all sleeping, they're covered and warm, Batteries

are tended, nylon covers their form.

My Bros were all nestled down snug in their beds,

While visions of new chrome danced in their heads.

And I in my do-rag, bike jacket and boots

Out shoveling snow, and dreaming of scoots.

Then from the horizon there came such a clatter

My shovel I dropped, what could be the matter?

Away up the hill, I slogged through the snow

Looked up at the sky; where'd all that noise go?

Then a throb from the heavens, like straight pipes so hearty

Gave Summers' good thoughts, a loud bikers' party.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear

But a Hog Ultra Classic, Red trailer in rear!

With a little old rider, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than a V-Rod his Ultra came on,

And he whistled, and shouted, and sang out this song;

"Now, Springer! Now, Dyna! On Ultra and Softail!

Now Panhead! Now Injun! On Vict'ry and Triumph!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now RIDE away! RIDE away! RIDE away all!"

As small bikes that from the semis do fly,

When they meet with the air blast, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top that Ultra it flew

With a trailer of goodies, and ole' St. Nick too

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The rumble and thunder of pipes that gave proof.

I ran in the house, boots thumping around,

And in came St. Nick all bearded and round

Dressed all in black leather, from do-rag to boot

His chaps were all tarnished with road grime and soot;

A T-bag of goodies he'd flung on his back

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack

His shades -- how they twinkled! his do-rag how scary!

With chains intertwined, through skulls that were cherry!

His droll little mouth had done many a row,

So the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

The smoke had a strange smell; it gave him relief.

He had a broad face and a large fat beer belly

That shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly

He was tattooed and plump, a right jolly old rider,

So I offered a cold brew, thought what could be righter?

A wink of his eye as he downed that cold beer,

Gave me to know I had nothing to fear

He spoke not a word, but went straight to my ride

And fixed it with Chrome, Horsepower and Pride

And giving the peace sign with bikers' good cheer

Strode off to his Ultra rumbling near

He sprang on the saddle, his gloves on the bars

A wheelie he threw; then off towards the stars

I heard him exclaim, as my chest swelled with pride

"Merry CHRISTMAS TO

ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD RIDE

[Jester]

While going through his wife’s dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash. The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed:
“Over the years, I haven’t been completely faithful to you.”

“When I did fool around, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion,” she explained.

The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either, and therefore, was inclined to forgive and forget her few moments of weakness.

“I’m curious though,” he said, “Where did the thirty dollars come from?”

“Oh that, ” his wife replied, “Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I sold out!” ;D

[Jerry]

The kids figured out Mom is Santa!
Turn on your speakers for this one.
www.cardclips.com/ShowGreeting.asp?GID=12967

[Jester]

Jerry
can't get the link to work?

Working Now ..... Thanks Jerry